Trans Lovers

So in what seems to be a month of UK television reporting for moi...

With a write up in the Guardian this is from Channel 4. The last in the series of 'Sex Diaries' documentaries. Whilst I was put off by the program description, "Meet the heterosexual men declaring their love for transgender women with male genitalia" I can forgive the director Charlie Russell and C4 for wanting to grab attention for this program. I guess they had to appeal to the sensationalist crowd.

Moving on, this is available on C4 until mid' November and in my opinion worth a watch. Overall I'd agree with the Guardian's write up, The focus is largely on the men but the women’s stories are often more interesting. 

Take-outs are on the one extreme, a throw away comment early on “Transgender are like Ferrari” from one 'admirer'. Obviously uses a different emotional garage to me. To on the opposite end of the emotional spectrum being the scene wherein Lorena describes her awful rape and subsequent falling in love with Mark which was so very emotional.

The documentary itself aside, it reminded me why I don't watch too much traditional television... bloody adverts! Arrrgghhh!

Trapped in a preconception

One of my very first posts was asking the question “Why” Why do I and possibly some others, like to dress in clothes generally ascribed to persons of an opposite sex? In this post I’ll look at this a little more. I’ll start at crossdressing and go on to gender. This is not an A-Z but a short and incomplete blog….

On Crossdressing

To start, a good short article covering why people crossdress can be found here.

…but for those who don’t want to go read it; the summary of the article is that there are three main reasons as to why men crossdress:

1 - sexual gratification
2 - express the feminine side of their personality
(comfort, and reduced stress / because it feels good.)
3 - experience the "power of a woman."
(it is very stimulating and intoxicating)

I’d agree with point 1 as to why many men dress. And if this is the sole reason a man dresses then it may actually be a confirmation on their masculinity and simple attraction to women in an odd way. Not always of course.

Whilst I do relate to point 1, I feel Point 2 describes me the best with a dash of point 3 thrown in for good measure.

On Gender

Before I carry on this YouTube is a good and relatively short into onto gender if you need to brush up.

Sorry it won't play in my blog I'm just not that techie!

Points 2 and 3 above are in the context of a release mechanism from the gender binary. An outlet valve for a cultural system that doesn’t wholly work. The word crossdressing itself is somewhat antiquated and assumes there are only two types of people in the world. Women, who can wear pretty much anything they want most of the time and then men, who have a severely limited and often dull wardrobe. Hence the term ‘drag and drab’. Of course gender goes far beyond just fashion and how we present ourselves but people tend to judge books by covers so lets stick with this for this blog.

We all want to be accepted for who we feel we are inside and have that seen as such on the outside. Living and presenting on the outside as someone who you don’t genuinely feel to be inside is not a pleseant feeling. For many ‘men’ the odd evening ’crossdressing’ is enough of a release to allow them to continue to conform to the prescribed gender binary uniform of tradition the rest of the time.

I love getting fully ’dressed up’. Even if I could all the time I wouldn't all of the time. Speak to anyone who wears make-up and high heels etc regardless of there gender or sex and it does require more work than pulling on jeans and some trainers. Tight can jeans rock for me as much as a skirt and sitting around the house in a pair of jogging bottoms is fine too for different reasons. Look at it the other way. There is very little I wear every day that a genetic woman wouldn’t wear and feel comfortable in. Does that mean I crossdress every day? As I may have stated before, I don’t feel like a woman trapped in a man’s body. I do however feel like an identity trapped in a preconception. 

Personally speaking I allow many of the traits of my more feminine side to merge into or simply influence my day to day life. This affects how I dress, look after myself, my choices and, to a degree how I relate to others. Don’t get me wrong, my masculine side is there too. For me my whole gender balance and my freedom of expression is what has become more prominent as the years move on. Our physical bodies are in a constant state of renewal and change. If our minds weren’t we wouldn’t be living creatures.

You are you, however you or someone else labels you. I don’t want to get all Matrix/Morpheus or Zen on you here, but you cannot, not, be you. The confusion comes about because for most of the world all we do is act our role as described by society, and a role is so much more than the clothes you wear.

In 1599 or so Shakespeare wrote in “As You Like It”, stating “All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players…”

I'n not entirely sure if Shakespeare actually knew how accurately this describes the human condition as it transcends male and female. Our confusion is because we’re trying to define a role that many in 21st century society simply don’t see - yet. The ‘yet’ is important.

So back to the question. Why do I dress and why do I allow it to affect my life? Because quite simply - it’s who I am and I am human. Now; define human without using the future or potential as a meaningful reference?

The above image I found via another good blog but honestly can't find the original link. I think I got surf crazy that day!

Education 3.3

So following on from my previous post about hate crime and the earlier one entitled Education, Education, Education, I’d like to direct you to Sam Killerman and his work on education people about Gender.

The TEDx Talk is really entertaining and worth a watch. If you’d like to know more this is Sam’s website.

Hate & Fear

Citizens Advice define a hate crime as an act of "violence or hostility directed at people because of who they are or who someone thinks they are."

You know, every time I think of my blog I think I’ll do something about fashion or make-up and then something barges in from the side. It’s really an issue of priority and this is something I really didn’t want to do a blog about but, well… it’s a truth. I noticed a level of this personally when replying to a You Tube post on Caitlyn Jenna recently.

Whilst not all negative there was a contingent of comments which seemed irrational and based in dogma rather than thought.

So this was sitting in my mind when I was listening to Cami's Crossdressing Canopy Podcast and she mentioned how someone shouted swearing at her in public but not because she was dressed or presenting fem’ but simply because she was in an Asian country and she was western? Bigoted hate actions are not just aimed at Trans’ people obviously. Cami’s take on this is you will always find people who disagree or hate you but this shouldn’t taint your self belief.

This is mirrored in the main point of this article which is a BBC news report on how LGBT people experience hate crime 'too often’.

The article refers to Talulah Eve Brown who appears to be a really savvy and lovely individual who can rise above the hate she receives.

My point of view is fairly simple on all this. Blanket statement I know! Usually people who appear to hate irrationally are actually frightened. People can be hated because of their colour, gender, age, or many other reasons other than something they have actually done. Or like Cami, simply being from another place.

Most bias racism or any ‘ism’ can be described the same. Maybe it’s easier to react rather than think and deal with people as individuals? This is not an excuse and I have no sagely advice on how to handle it other than I believe how you face the world determines to some degree how the world reflects back upon yourself. Try not to react against their reaction and like Talulah hold to your belief and course. I admit I’m not always the best at taking my own advice.

Have belief in you. Treat others with politeness and compassion. And if you are a victim of abuse think: why are these people like this? Maybe their world is not so wonderfully coloured as yours? Maybe you should feel sorry for them…

This will not stop some of the more violent acts and it's very much easier said than done, but worth some thought.

In a word - Progress

It’s so nice to see a positive article posted on the BBC website, 27 May 2015. A large step for Manobi Bandyopadhyay and another small step for human equality.

Achievement!

It's a year on so, Conchita… does she pass, and importantly should she pass?

You see, most but not all of the issues to do with F2M or M2F evolve around one issue. What we define as male and what we define as female. Without these binaries there would be no X2X. I have said before, I love and respect the fact there is a male and female binary BUT believe strongly that there should be room between these for more expression.

For those of us lucky enough to live in a society where women have ‘mostly’ equal rights to men, our definitions of male and female in reality largely come down to what we see. Passing is about how we act and our fashion. Our manner and appearance.

Check off both those boxes and Achievement Unlocked - Passing!

Leave one out and you fail.

For many, if not most M2F and F2M they really want to pass. However some people feel they shouldn’t need to conform to this gender binary. Personally I feel both ways depending on my day. I dress totally female when I can with the intent of being able to pass but on a day to day basis I just want the ‘right’ to be me and wear what the hell I want. Is that to much to ask? 

Do we have, or should we have, a society where an individual has the right to express themselves as they feel they are, not as others would like them to be, within the realms of the law and decency and the situation of course! How free and creative are we as a society? I feel this is less an issue for women than men. This is well put in this quote from Eleanor Roberts of the Beaumont Society.

“Most of the Male-to-Female (MtF) transgender community are part-time crossdressers who need opportunities to dress/make-up as a woman one or two evenings a week. This is often enough to release the pent-up pressure and keep a marriage & family together. Women in the same situation do not need this; women's fashion is wide enough to allow them masculine styles of dress/hair if they wish without attracting condemnation.”

Eleanor Roberts (Beaumont Society)

I felt that it was an interesting choice of words “without attracting condemnation.” Condemnation could sound strong but even a disapproving frown from someone is a form of condemnation. I would agree with the sentiment as simply put, it is more socially acceptable to pass as the opposite gender than be ambiguous because it’s easier on peoples brains. Humans love to be able to classify things which is mostly good and has allowed us to evolve. However like any skill, it’s misuse limits our development. 

I personally feel people should be allowed to wear what they feel expresses themselves and they feel good in. You have to admit it would be a far more interesting world? As Eddie Izzard said,

“They aren’t women's clothes they are mine, I paid for them.”

Please, please for the love of Pete, can someone give me a reasonable argument why a man shouldn’t wear a dress in public? Other than 'because it's the way it is or has been'. Maybe I’ve just missed a lesson somewhere?

So to sum up, “being accepted” and “passing” are two different things. And passing makes being accepted almost a default state. Being accepted when not conforming to a gender stereotype is very difficult.

We are very social creatures and being accepted for being yourself is important. Maybe it’s time we opened up our vocabulary to allow people (some of us at least) to express themselves and be themselves more easily.

Surely the strength and beauty in humanity rests in it's diversity.

So what do I think about Conchita… does she pass, and importantly should she pass?

No she doesn’t pass as society describes a female, but more importantly she passes for being herself and we should all admire that even more!

And you, are you - you?

Links to pages on passing:

Thetransgenderpartner

passing tips

Fashion Labels

Ok so not talking about the brands as labels but us girls n guys as genders.

Saw this in a store the other day and think it's so worth posting despite being mass consumer fashion. 

I just wish it hadn't been embedded into a "Woman’s" only section. Personally I buy clothes from the Woman’s section without worrying but thinking about it why do they even have a Mens and Woman’s section? Can anyone really let me know a good reason? And yes I know men and women are slightly different shapes but all people are, aren’t they?

Surely a store would be better off just saying "hey, look at all the great clothes / products we sell for “EVERYONE" or maybe I'm being silly?

Oh and this picture too in Superdrug on the Strand.

So the whole shop is not for men? lol - I could so see a comedy sketch in this.

On the same subject this article was pointed out to me about similar issues even though the content seems more glitz than grit.

Selfridges is launching 'gender-neutral' shopping

That's it for this one, unless you've got something to add? x

like a girl

Is there a basic and general problem with femininity? Not just for a guy but for a girl? It just seems to me that there is a connection between how men relate to women and how society relates to crossdressers or anyone in a transitionary gender?

This is a general point and whilst there are many enlightened people in the world I think they tend to be overcast by the majority on this issue, as it is a fairly deep social one.

So the point is. Does society (regardless of gender) view femininity as a negative? Whilst there are rare accounts of the matriarchal role in human civilisation and society one can’t help but imagine the battle they had to go through to get there, being a very rare exception to the rule.

In the past it was the loudness of your voice and your strength or aggression that often dictated your leadership candidate. Add intelligence and you had an even better chance. By and large it was a male dominated world often for fair reason especially in day to day dealings where most religions down talked the role of women. Many still do…

In this climate a culture of down-talking females and their ability was almost natural. Individuals or families maybe didn’t see it this way but culture and society did. As Kay said on MiB

“A person is smart. People are dumb, panicky dangerous animals and you know it.” 

Unfortunately society is often a reflection of group mentality.

This commercial Ad’ shows how the terminology that we use in society can propagate dogmatic re-belief even by the victims of it - 

'Always' Like a girl Ad'

If a male want’s to allow themselves more feminine attributes (could be cross dressing or just wearing make up or simply being more sensitive) and someone insults them or talks them down, are they not often simply insulting femininity as a whole? I mean why would a man want to be like a woman in any way?!

Ever since the war effort exemplified by the poster above women have rightly gone on, not without issue to become more full members in society yet retained their rights to be feminine in places they work and clothes they wear. The right to wear make-up or not etc. Whilst men, like ancient guards at a city gate seem to have moved little in their self expression.

Deliberately provocative statement and not one I believe. However I do believe this is how many guys (and possibly girls) on the street understand it. So is the message here it’s ok for a woman to ’step-up’ to be more like a man, but not for a man to ’step-down’ and be more accepting of their feminine side. If so, do you believe it? Where do you place value in human society?

Equal rights? Not according to the DMV in the USA.

DMV forces gender non-conforming South Carolina teen to remove makeup for license photo

Hardly a new article but I don’t think the DMV should tell people they can’t wear make up. Oh, wait a moment, they don’t say that to girls, only boys. And there was I under the mistaken belief men and women should have equal rights and be treat as people?

I think this boy, which is how he identifies, looked fine. The make up was tasteful and not in any way overdone or a ‘disguise’. Still some work to be done on equality I think!

Here is the original article link,

DMV forces gender non-conforming South Carolina teen to remove makeup for license photo

Girly-Boy

So I was prompted to add this to the blog as it just makes sense to me and it will probably directly apply to most readers or passers by. In addition to the TED talk posted here:

Johanna Blakley: Social media and the end of gender - TED talk

I was inspired by ‘steppingoutsecrets.com’

Stepping Out Secrets - Male to Female Transformation Program 

Quote from Stepping Out Secrets,

Rather than getting hung up on passing vs. not passing, I suggest you make it your goal to “blend in” instead.
Blending in means you look girly enough NOT to stand out in a negative way - even if you aren’t 100% passable.
Most people don’t scrutinize everybody around them, so unless there’s something glaringly off about you, you are unlikely to attract a second glance.
Does this mean everybody will think you are a genetic woman? Probably not. But it doesn’t matter.
The happiest crossdressers and transgender women I know don’t care whether they pass or not. They care about being themselves.
Passing is great when it happens, but there’s nothing wrong with being seen as the classy crossdresser or transgender woman that you are!
As long as you choose the right environment and present yourself well, you are likely to be met with acceptance.

And so to my blog bit.

Jodie is the name I chose to explore my gender but it's not the first I've used in the journey and may well not be the name I'd chose were I to 'technically' transition fully - whatever that means. Currently I don’t really intend being a full-on-girl. Arn't I really just exploring me?

Either way, being man or woman in the modern and future world should be about being a person first and a gender second. This is slowly happening for both women and men. The difference is women are generally more open and encouraging whereas men typically resist internal change. This again is probably largely due to survival traits dating back over the centuries if not millennia.

So on the question as to which side of the fence do I sit - or do I sit on the fence?

Answer - Well I really don’t see the fence.

I understand that there are those who are transitioning with a clear goal but I don’t feel that’s where I’m at. If you are, I wish you gods speed and the best of futures.

For myself and the others in a form of happy gender limbo, hopefully we can all relax a little more at Christmas and enjoy being rather than trying to be too much more. Until 2015!

Mr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde?

Two puns in that title if you read it right ;)

So a less serious, simple shout out about self expression to those who understand, and those don’t. For several years I’ve done this. Yes the image, that’s me. All started out as a ‘wouldn’t it be cool if’ and is rapidly turning into a OMFG, I had no idea I could feel this good about myself!

Being able to allow the thought of vulnerability and self expression into your life for most guys growing up, is a life sentence of tribal bullying. I know there are good evolutionary reasons for this tribal ganging up just like there were great reasons for people to live in caves... once upon a time. Personally I managed to work my way around the problem by being sensible and generally giving as good as I got. BUT, it didn’t make me feel good and I disliked being that way. I guess each of us can't be uniquely human without being warped in some way? 

You see it’s not just what it looks like. It’s what it feels like, inside. It allows you to shift a gear in your mind. Call it therapy ;)

Guys are being marginalised in the modern world. Not by women. By common sense and marketing - Oh yeah, and by guys and some girls who buy into the past. You see, strength and masculinity are not the same thing. Go work it out for yourself if you don’t understand.

I accept that sometimes if a guy goes girly it can be simply a pendulum like reaction against their alter ego, but not always. Then we’re into the discussion of what ‘trans’ is. Let’s leave that for another day!

There are so many great things about being a girl: “Shopping, getting dolled up, being permitted to be ‘emotional’…” 

This quote inspired this blog post so I can't not post a link to the commercial site it's from. Lots of free advice if you sign up for emails. Personally I’ve never bought anything from there but I appreciate the site:
Feminization Secrets Site

I guess this is a cue also the a somewhat deeper story link I posted last time so I’ll repost it here:
The Guardian on kids and gender

Dusk and Dawn - Removing binary gender

Almost everything in nature we see and experience has varying degrees. There is night and day, but they can’t happen without dusk and dawn. Just so in people, There is male and female. But we ALL have elements in us. The traits of masculinity and femininity are to be found in both. We are all just people. It’s only for reproduction that it really matters.

When does black become white? When does Young become old? When does male become female? These are NOT binaries. These are scales. Nature is nothing without scale or increment. Binaries are reference points only, not descriptions of what you do day to day. Day to day you need to grow! Similarly on gender, I totally respect the alpha male and female scenario. Indeed I love it! If you are a male and live by engine grease, great. If you are female and love make-up and dressmaking - go for it. But that doesn’t mean we all must live it every day.

For more time than I remember I have strived to subdue my more traditionally feminine feelings. I have crushed them. I have psychologically insulted them. I have hated myself. My story isn’t one of a female trapped in a males body. I don’t feel that. I only feel I want to be me. And as I can only assume that I am not unique, that many others may also feel similar?

I reject my programming. And at the minimum, you should question your’s and that of your children. Every time you speak to your child, your friend, your partner and say something like, “women drivers!”, “men can’t multitask” or “it’s a baby girl so let’s get her something pink” you are the program…

By all means get a boy blue or a girl pink, but do it because it’s for that person, not the label. You are creating their destiny.

So please consider allowing a little more rainbow light into the world. There’s more than the heat of the midday sun or the cold dark of night.

Links:

The Guardian on gender programming

BBC on Ladybird books dropping gender titles

Very moving Telegraph article on the same Ladybird story

Mirror article on male model being used for a bra ad

You tube on the same ad