What I’m talking about

Ok so many of you will have seen this photo, absorbed and passed it by. I just caught it on a video artical on the BBC website. Quite frankly I was surprised. I was surprised it was even an article? But in essence this is simply what a lot of my Blog is about. People being different and getting on about their own lives. I'm not even going to 'lable' the two people as they are unique individuals.

As it’s old news I’ll leave you to make your conclusions but all I’ll say is whilst most of the focus of the media has been on the subjects of the photo what about the entire scene? When you watch the BBC interviews of New Yorkers and then recognise the fact apart from the photographer there must have been a few more people in the carriage. You can see one off shot to the right. Assumidly these were less interesting subjects? But all these New Yorkers give testament to how good New Yorkers are at letting people be people.

The viral aspect of this case was propegated by less tolerant individuals. I guess some people can't abide people not fighting and living side-by-side... These are the sort of people are the danger to society not the subjects in the photo...

End note. Despite the negitivity on the world stage the USA has recieved recently mentioning no names - Go NYC!

Equality

The constant striving for equality among peoples has been going on from the start of time. It is unlikely to cease. It is unlikely to not be a part of humanity. It is one of our better characteristics.

BUT, and there is a but, this should not mean we should put off today what can be done tomorrow. At any one point in time we all, as a society and especially as individuals, have the power to make the world a better place - or a worse one with every thought we think, every word we speak and every indiscretion we accept among our piers - or not. Our actions dictate our future and importantly the future of our society.

In an earlier post I wrote that the struggle for Trans' / LGBT rights is the struggle for all human rights. It is the same for black rights or women rights or disabled rights or any one who does not have an equal chance in our society.

In a recent TED talk “A queer vision of love and marriage” Tie and Kim Katrin  said that the LGBT or LGBTQIA+ acronym was attractive because the acronym strove to not leave anyone behind. This really resonates with me. Just as Emma Watson's 2014 Speech on Gender Equality noted men’s equality was tied to women’s equality. They is part of a whole and not a separate element.

So recently I listened to Sandi Toksvig’s TED talk wherein she said the relatively new Women’s Equality Party was almost hopeful of making itself redundant by being successful and correctly noting how this made it different from other political parties.

Also of note was how she mentioned it wouldn’t get involved in deriding the opposition parties. Hopefully this will work out. More than this she said this was a party women could set up in other countries as the problem of woman equality was global. I think these are all admirable and would seriously consider voting for them myself. However I think they could do more. Whilst the ‘Women’s Equality Party’ gives people a clear picture and a focus they should make more of the equality element and the positive values Toksvig  states - political-non-bitching and global relevance. These things are fairly unique and no one wants not to be equal, or respected. Time will tell.

And so to the timing of this post. On January the 21st the Woman’s Equality Party will be part of a protest march intersecting with other marches all over the world, but especially Washington against the incoming administration of Donald Trump and Mike Pence. If you plan to go here is a reference site.

If, like me, you can't get to London or another location to march and show solidarity and support then do what I do and make people aware of the issues. Anyone who doesn't feel that the current system in the UK/USA or where ever gives them a fair deal, owes it to themselves to question the establishment and what the politicians are doing for their pay. Is there anyone who doesn't feel disenfranchised? After all it's our taxes, it should be our government.

I’m not telling you what to think, I’m just helping you know where to look. Inside is a good start.

R-love-ution

Very little to do directly with gender issues but very much to do with programming and modern society, this I feel is very relevant.

My father is a wise man. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away,(or it may have been Newcastle) he told me “Whoever you vote for the government always get in”.

So I just finished the 9 hour marathon that was REVOLUTION by Russell Brand. Disclosing the governmental and political issues we face every day and linking it deeply to spirituality this is compelling and informative. Also, as always with Russle Brand it is heavily spiced with wit and earthy humour. Brands stream of conscious writing style is reminiscent of the wonderful Douglas Adams but here Russ' uses it to allow the important message of his book to push through more easily.

Uniquely British but globally connected and deeply relevant. Many critics argue he has no real answer or solution but I’ve yet to read a critic that says Russ' is wrong.  In terms of the 'essential argument' and call to action it is very hard to disagree with.

Whilst I don't agree with it all 100% I'd reccomend it 100%.

Listen to the free-to-download audiobook to capture the true delivery and spirit of Brand’s point - but buy the book to help.


Goodreads Review:

Finding the door

You don’t always know you’re in a cage until you find a door.

We all live in a prison. It is the prison we build every day when we label the world around us. Some people’s prisons are strong and inescapable. Others are more open. How you think and use language changes these conditions.

The struggle for Transgender rights is only another step on the road for all human rights. Whether it’s the colour of your skin, your gender, your class, your age or some other aspect of ‘you’ that makes you different. It is also the struggle for womens rights, men’s rights and everyones right to personal self expression. To be you, to be free.

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character."

- Martin Luther King, Jr.

I was inspired to write this by Sarah McBride’s talk which eloquently focuses on these issues toward the end:

Gender assigned to us at birth should not dictate who we are.

It’s interesting in the 'comments section' of Sarah McBride’s talk on YouTube. Whilst most are positive, the few negative comments seem to focus on the fact she isn’t what they ‘label’ her as. Likewise these negative comments seem to be by individuals who don’t understand the difference between the sex and gender lables. Can they not see in labling (or miss-labling) her they are building a cage for themselves, their families and everyone? So much trouble and negative energy in our world is caused by too little education or miss-understanding. Education free’s us. And we all can learn.

“The sign of intelligence is that you are constantly wondering. Idiots are always dead sure about every damn thing they are doing in their life.”

― Jaggi Vasudev

Words are tools we use to explain things and hopefully clearly communicate. They are not reality. We do need words and labels but we must recognise when a potentially useful label stops being a word ‘we’ use and instead becomes a word that uses us. When this happens it becomes another brick in our cell wall, it becomes our reality.

“People have fallen in love with words and lost the world.” 

― Jaggi Vasudev

When will we learn to treat people as individuals not as a label, a preconception or construct we feel they should be? If we as humans don’t give ourselves these rights no one else can, and we can never be truly free as a species. Until then we will daily create the prison for our mind that is the natural outcome of letting labels control us.

We should allow ourselves the freedom to express who we are without prejudice. We need to give ourselves and our children's children, the right to be free. Words can be used as positive tools but they can trap us if we don't use our minds when we communicate.

We may never truely be free in our own lifetime's, but at least we can begin to define the prision walls and learn where the door may be.

Toilet Talk

Following my last post we inevitably come to the great toilet debate regarding Transgender folk.

When I’m out dressed I will naturally go to the female asigned toilet but I do so because my natural intent is not to upset anyone. Often if there is a ‘disabled’ toilet I will use this if it’s quiet. After all a disabled toilet is for both male and female. Why society can't do this for everyone is totally beyond me?

Also, let me know if I am wrong on this but so far as I understand; in the UK it is perfectly legal for either ‘sex’ to use either restroom.

On a more general note I really cannot see why we logically have gender separate toilets. I speak with some small authority here having had to plan a few building toilet facilities myself. Also I find it uncomfortable to see women queueing for ages while men swoosh past into their little box of no queues. So why don’t we have gender neutral toilets with a smaller percentage of stalls (if any) so everyone can experience a better and swifter visit to the loo. 

Also it’s not just the average straight guy or girl or Trans* who needs the toilet. This is something that is well put in Ivan Coyote’s great TED talk which toward the end speaks of other members of society - not just Transgender.

If you know someone who worries about what will happen if we don’t have separated toilet facilities I suggest you worry less about that issue and more about how they view the world and their motives. Personally when I go to the loo I need to go to the loo (okay maybe check how I look in the mirror too). I spend as little time as I can in there as they arn't the nicest of places genearlly and I want to be back out getting on with my life. Motive is important, something some US politicians get totally confused over. 

I’ll leave you with another article about converting existing restrooms.

So to conclude the link to my previous post on getting out. The world is changing but as Trans* folk we must work extra hard to make it work. Sad but true. Every time I go out and everything works out fine, so far 100% of the time, I think there's a lot of new people who now have first hand personal experiance of a Transgender individual in 'their' society and everything was cool - normal even?

Men, better than women?

A deliberately provocative question. My answer and I'd hope most peoples would be a big fat "NO"!

"...a big part of our reluctance to feminise boys is about power and the systematic devaluation of women."

However this article called “The subconscious bias of 'unisex' baby name trends” by Kasey Edwards explores a little more about the issues and manifestations of the negativity of femininity in our culture, even if many are subconscious.

"...the reality is that this one-way naming trend is an expression of our casual and unexamined misogyny."

Whilst Kasey's article focuses on historical naming practices she goes on to mention similar trends in regard to toys and clothing and how this seems a 'one-way' street. Women can adopt the traits of men, but rarely ever the other way around.

"Why is it that only girls are permitted to enter the playground of gender fluidity? Might it be because, despite all our talk about gender equality, we still believe deep down that the worst thing a boy could be is like a girl?"

Her conclusions are very much where I was when I wrote my more fumbling post "Like a Girl" on the same issue, back in 2014...

If we believe in real freedom then we should all aspire to a fairer world for all women and men - and everyone in between. If we can't make a choice then there is no freedom. Let us not unconsciously propagate and unbalanced past and make sure it is a gender balanced world. And not like this old tie advert!

War

This post is first, a thanks to those who fought and died to protect our way of life and second, a somewhat rhetorical question about why they did it?

So, war, what is it good for?

Whilst Mr Edwin Starr’s lyrics were largely an anti-Vietnam reaction there are other wars and it’s now that time of year in the UK to remember those who fought and to to those who gave their lives in wars so we may enjoy a life of relative freedom. Whilst we do have a long way still to go, had people not fought on our behalf, our freedom to explore our self expression would not be so far advanced.

So as we approach Remembrance Sunday, November 8 2015, I thought I’d state my great admiration and thanks to all those who fought and continue to do so, for this way of life. Similarly for our US brothers and sisters they have Memorial Day towards the end of May each year.

And so to part two of this post. Sparked off by a comment on a You Tube video about transgender people* that all it needs is a ‘good war’ and it would weed ‘them’ out. My summary not the persons actual words.

* I believe it was on a Caitlyn Jenner YouTube video.

Now I dare say there are those with a point of view that goes along the lines of, “we didn’t win the (insert war of choice) to allow people the freedom to change their assigned gender.

I’d argue quite the opposite.

As an example, the allies fought WW2 to prevent invasion and protect a growing way of life. A culture that believes in democracy and the ability to make our own choices. Not to be dictated too. One person, one vote etc. Our democratic system we use has largely come to terms with the fact that the LGBT community have the same rights as anyone who can cast a vote, which is totally logical. Anyone remember the Nazis? They may not have gone along with this thought and I can think of some others who wouldn't in todays world.

No, the democratic systems of the world are not perfect. They are not resolved. They are a process of refinement so that as a society we can grow fairly and not waste the talents and positive energy of all individuals who contribute to it.

So why did they fight for freedom? Why do they fight for freedom?

So we can choose and not be dictated too.

That we can be free to grow and explore who we are as individuals and a society, without oppression of irrational conformity under someone else's ideal of what or who we should be.

Dedicated to not forgetting those who fight for us, Five Finger Death Punch's track, The Wrong Side of Heaven.

* I believe it was on a Caitlyn Jenner YouTube video.

What's good for the gander is good for the goose

You know it’s a news story. But when women are wearing what was traditionally guy clothes for decades if not longer no one even blinks? Let Jaden wear what he wants I say. Hopefully the world will think the same but I’m kinda cynical about the world and gender roles as you might have picked up…

In a word - Progress

It’s so nice to see a positive article posted on the BBC website, 27 May 2015. A large step for Manobi Bandyopadhyay and another small step for human equality.

Achievement!

It's a year on so, Conchita… does she pass, and importantly should she pass?

You see, most but not all of the issues to do with F2M or M2F evolve around one issue. What we define as male and what we define as female. Without these binaries there would be no X2X. I have said before, I love and respect the fact there is a male and female binary BUT believe strongly that there should be room between these for more expression.

For those of us lucky enough to live in a society where women have ‘mostly’ equal rights to men, our definitions of male and female in reality largely come down to what we see. Passing is about how we act and our fashion. Our manner and appearance.

Check off both those boxes and Achievement Unlocked - Passing!

Leave one out and you fail.

For many, if not most M2F and F2M they really want to pass. However some people feel they shouldn’t need to conform to this gender binary. Personally I feel both ways depending on my day. I dress totally female when I can with the intent of being able to pass but on a day to day basis I just want the ‘right’ to be me and wear what the hell I want. Is that to much to ask? 

Do we have, or should we have, a society where an individual has the right to express themselves as they feel they are, not as others would like them to be, within the realms of the law and decency and the situation of course! How free and creative are we as a society? I feel this is less an issue for women than men. This is well put in this quote from Eleanor Roberts of the Beaumont Society.

“Most of the Male-to-Female (MtF) transgender community are part-time crossdressers who need opportunities to dress/make-up as a woman one or two evenings a week. This is often enough to release the pent-up pressure and keep a marriage & family together. Women in the same situation do not need this; women's fashion is wide enough to allow them masculine styles of dress/hair if they wish without attracting condemnation.”

Eleanor Roberts (Beaumont Society)

I felt that it was an interesting choice of words “without attracting condemnation.” Condemnation could sound strong but even a disapproving frown from someone is a form of condemnation. I would agree with the sentiment as simply put, it is more socially acceptable to pass as the opposite gender than be ambiguous because it’s easier on peoples brains. Humans love to be able to classify things which is mostly good and has allowed us to evolve. However like any skill, it’s misuse limits our development. 

I personally feel people should be allowed to wear what they feel expresses themselves and they feel good in. You have to admit it would be a far more interesting world? As Eddie Izzard said,

“They aren’t women's clothes they are mine, I paid for them.”

Please, please for the love of Pete, can someone give me a reasonable argument why a man shouldn’t wear a dress in public? Other than 'because it's the way it is or has been'. Maybe I’ve just missed a lesson somewhere?

So to sum up, “being accepted” and “passing” are two different things. And passing makes being accepted almost a default state. Being accepted when not conforming to a gender stereotype is very difficult.

We are very social creatures and being accepted for being yourself is important. Maybe it’s time we opened up our vocabulary to allow people (some of us at least) to express themselves and be themselves more easily.

Surely the strength and beauty in humanity rests in it's diversity.

So what do I think about Conchita… does she pass, and importantly should she pass?

No she doesn’t pass as society describes a female, but more importantly she passes for being herself and we should all admire that even more!

And you, are you - you?

Links to pages on passing:

Thetransgenderpartner

passing tips

Cami's Crossdressing Canopy

Just a quick shout out for a great podcast I listen too by Cami Aeris. Short sweet shots of common sense and Trans related issues.

Link to the podcast and read Cami's Blog here

Equal rights? Not according to the DMV in the USA.

DMV forces gender non-conforming South Carolina teen to remove makeup for license photo

Hardly a new article but I don’t think the DMV should tell people they can’t wear make up. Oh, wait a moment, they don’t say that to girls, only boys. And there was I under the mistaken belief men and women should have equal rights and be treat as people?

I think this boy, which is how he identifies, looked fine. The make up was tasteful and not in any way overdone or a ‘disguise’. Still some work to be done on equality I think!

Here is the original article link,

DMV forces gender non-conforming South Carolina teen to remove makeup for license photo

Dusk and Dawn - Removing binary gender

Almost everything in nature we see and experience has varying degrees. There is night and day, but they can’t happen without dusk and dawn. Just so in people, There is male and female. But we ALL have elements in us. The traits of masculinity and femininity are to be found in both. We are all just people. It’s only for reproduction that it really matters.

When does black become white? When does Young become old? When does male become female? These are NOT binaries. These are scales. Nature is nothing without scale or increment. Binaries are reference points only, not descriptions of what you do day to day. Day to day you need to grow! Similarly on gender, I totally respect the alpha male and female scenario. Indeed I love it! If you are a male and live by engine grease, great. If you are female and love make-up and dressmaking - go for it. But that doesn’t mean we all must live it every day.

For more time than I remember I have strived to subdue my more traditionally feminine feelings. I have crushed them. I have psychologically insulted them. I have hated myself. My story isn’t one of a female trapped in a males body. I don’t feel that. I only feel I want to be me. And as I can only assume that I am not unique, that many others may also feel similar?

I reject my programming. And at the minimum, you should question your’s and that of your children. Every time you speak to your child, your friend, your partner and say something like, “women drivers!”, “men can’t multitask” or “it’s a baby girl so let’s get her something pink” you are the program…

By all means get a boy blue or a girl pink, but do it because it’s for that person, not the label. You are creating their destiny.

So please consider allowing a little more rainbow light into the world. There’s more than the heat of the midday sun or the cold dark of night.

Links:

The Guardian on gender programming

BBC on Ladybird books dropping gender titles

Very moving Telegraph article on the same Ladybird story

Mirror article on male model being used for a bra ad

You tube on the same ad