It's a year on so, Conchita… does she pass, and importantly should she pass?
You see, most but not all of the issues to do with F2M or M2F evolve around one issue. What we define as male and what we define as female. Without these binaries there would be no X2X. I have said before, I love and respect the fact there is a male and female binary BUT believe strongly that there should be room between these for more expression.
For those of us lucky enough to live in a society where women have ‘mostly’ equal rights to men, our definitions of male and female in reality largely come down to what we see. Passing is about how we act and our fashion. Our manner and appearance.
Check off both those boxes and Achievement Unlocked - Passing!
Leave one out and you fail.
For many, if not most M2F and F2M they really want to pass. However some people feel they shouldn’t need to conform to this gender binary. Personally I feel both ways depending on my day. I dress totally female when I can with the intent of being able to pass but on a day to day basis I just want the ‘right’ to be me and wear what the hell I want. Is that to much to ask?
Do we have, or should we have, a society where an individual has the right to express themselves as they feel they are, not as others would like them to be, within the realms of the law and decency and the situation of course! How free and creative are we as a society? I feel this is less an issue for women than men. This is well put in this quote from Eleanor Roberts of the Beaumont Society.
“Most of the Male-to-Female (MtF) transgender community are part-time crossdressers who need opportunities to dress/make-up as a woman one or two evenings a week. This is often enough to release the pent-up pressure and keep a marriage & family together. Women in the same situation do not need this; women's fashion is wide enough to allow them masculine styles of dress/hair if they wish without attracting condemnation.”
Eleanor Roberts (Beaumont Society)
I felt that it was an interesting choice of words “without attracting condemnation.” Condemnation could sound strong but even a disapproving frown from someone is a form of condemnation. I would agree with the sentiment as simply put, it is more socially acceptable to pass as the opposite gender than be ambiguous because it’s easier on peoples brains. Humans love to be able to classify things which is mostly good and has allowed us to evolve. However like any skill, it’s misuse limits our development.
I personally feel people should be allowed to wear what they feel expresses themselves and they feel good in. You have to admit it would be a far more interesting world? As Eddie Izzard said,
“They aren’t women's clothes they are mine, I paid for them.”
Please, please for the love of Pete, can someone give me a reasonable argument why a man shouldn’t wear a dress in public? Other than 'because it's the way it is or has been'. Maybe I’ve just missed a lesson somewhere?
So to sum up, “being accepted” and “passing” are two different things. And passing makes being accepted almost a default state. Being accepted when not conforming to a gender stereotype is very difficult.
We are very social creatures and being accepted for being yourself is important. Maybe it’s time we opened up our vocabulary to allow people (some of us at least) to express themselves and be themselves more easily.
Surely the strength and beauty in humanity rests in it's diversity.
So what do I think about Conchita… does she pass, and importantly should she pass?
No she doesn’t pass as society describes a female, but more importantly she passes for being herself and we should all admire that even more!
And you, are you - you?
Links to pages on passing:
