Toilet Talk

Following my last post we inevitably come to the great toilet debate regarding Transgender folk.

When I’m out dressed I will naturally go to the female asigned toilet but I do so because my natural intent is not to upset anyone. Often if there is a ‘disabled’ toilet I will use this if it’s quiet. After all a disabled toilet is for both male and female. Why society can't do this for everyone is totally beyond me?

Also, let me know if I am wrong on this but so far as I understand; in the UK it is perfectly legal for either ‘sex’ to use either restroom.

On a more general note I really cannot see why we logically have gender separate toilets. I speak with some small authority here having had to plan a few building toilet facilities myself. Also I find it uncomfortable to see women queueing for ages while men swoosh past into their little box of no queues. So why don’t we have gender neutral toilets with a smaller percentage of stalls (if any) so everyone can experience a better and swifter visit to the loo. 

Also it’s not just the average straight guy or girl or Trans* who needs the toilet. This is something that is well put in Ivan Coyote’s great TED talk which toward the end speaks of other members of society - not just Transgender.

If you know someone who worries about what will happen if we don’t have separated toilet facilities I suggest you worry less about that issue and more about how they view the world and their motives. Personally when I go to the loo I need to go to the loo (okay maybe check how I look in the mirror too). I spend as little time as I can in there as they arn't the nicest of places genearlly and I want to be back out getting on with my life. Motive is important, something some US politicians get totally confused over. 

I’ll leave you with another article about converting existing restrooms.

So to conclude the link to my previous post on getting out. The world is changing but as Trans* folk we must work extra hard to make it work. Sad but true. Every time I go out and everything works out fine, so far 100% of the time, I think there's a lot of new people who now have first hand personal experiance of a Transgender individual in 'their' society and everything was cool - normal even?

Normal is how we define it

We are living in a delicate time.

This post is linked directly to a post I will follow on with shortly after regarding the use of restrooms and this I start leading in to the USA given recent events...

America feels threatened and like all treated entities it is in a process of anger and lashing out. Whilst not the superpower they were, when the US feels threatened and reacts, the world feels it’s ripples. A wave of anti-tolerance by I'm happy to say, political minorities, towards people of a ‘different’ way, be that a faith or in my case my gender presentation, is written across the face of the world's media every day.

It is vital now more than ever, that if one is different, we try to integrate and show by example, that diversity is complimentary to the human condition and not destructive. There may be individuals and factions of groups who are negative and want to separate the people of our world but it’s certainly not me and I hope not you - not transgender folk. It's an oppertunity.

So partly because of the above and coincidentally, over the past year or two I’ve been getting out dressed more. However 'getting out' can mean several types of place so here’s my basic list.

A - Trans* friendly places like Pink Punters. Obviously I’ve never felt any animosity or worry here!

B - Then there is another level of getting out to the more accepting ‘gay’ areas of a town like Birmingham in my case. Here again rarely will anyone bat an eyelid. I actually prefer these areas as you’ll always be accepted and it is a more diverse set of individuals. Straight, bisexual, gay, lesbian, whatever you want to call people. Everyone is usually just out for a fun / relaxed night.

The Arcadian, just off Hurst St, Birmingham

C - However I’ve also been out out to everyday restaurants or pubs whether in the centre of London or a small pub in Warwickshire. And you know, people are on whole to be very accepting and unflustered. Yayyy, go humanity!!!

The worst I’ve encountered is someone, usually a grandmother out with their family or an older guy out alone (both occurrences have happened more than once) where their faces tell a story. They cannot stop staring and I’ve even seen their family get somewhat embarrassed at this. They are fighting an internal battle between what they’ve been told or told themselves all their lives and the reality they see before them. So effectively it’s their issue and their internal struggle - not mine. On the one hand I’m not sure what they expect of me but my having a polite conversation with a friend and behaving civilized obviously isn’t one of these pre-programmed thoughts.

D - Finally I’d say just going shopping in town dressed. I’ve only done this once and it was similar to the run of the mill restaurant or pub but I don’t class once as a good working knowledge so I’ll not pretend to give advice on this.

Neverthelss - my advice for getting out is...

First - just do it. Make the decision, then think seriously about why and what it means to you. While you can go out alone, I’d seriously recommend you go with a friend. It’s more fun and you can share the experience.

Second - Be sensible. Don’t pick somewhere you know to be synonymous with trouble. I wouldn’t do that regardless of my gender or presentation!

Third - Don’t be a parody - be yourself. However you present on the outside let your natural person on the inside come through.

And finally - Take pride in your appearance and make it obvious you’ve tried your best to present how you want to be. People respect that, so respect them by doing so.

So you are out and about, what bathroom do you use? Queue my next post...